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Couples with babies. More than one in three babies born in the U.S. today is
born to unmarried parents. But most of the parents are couples who are
romantically involved and hope to raise their child together. That goal of raising
the child together is a good one, as studies clearly show that all family
members tend to benefit when parents stay together. Children raised to
adulthood by the same two parents tend to be happier, healthier, less likely to
get in trouble, and even to do better in school. And adults tend to be happier,
healthier, have better sex lives, and be better off financially if they marry and
stay married. Yet getting through -- and staying together -- the first tough
years of parenting can be a real challenge.
Stresses on families. Staying together can benefit a family, but it can also be
tough. As lovable as babies are, they need lots of care. With sleepless nights
and less time for each other, parents can feel the stress. In fact, even among
couples who are married and decide to have a baby, as many as
2 out of 3 feel a major drop in happiness as a couple in the early years after
the baby is born.
Stresses may be even greater on unmarried couples. Not sure
if they'll marry, the future may seem less certain. Many unmarried couples
may also be younger, with lower income, and less educated than many married
couples. With so many stresses, it's not surprising that many unmarried
couples begin parenting together with high hopes, but separate within a year or
two. A recent study of unmarried couples with a new baby showed that, at the
time of birth, almost all of the couples wanted to parent together, and most
hoped to marry each other. But by just one year later, nearly one out of three
couples had parted ways. Less than one in eight had married.
More stress where you'd least expect it. There are lots of great programs to
help new parents, and many are free for parents with limited income. Sadly,
though, not all programs are well geared to help parents who want to work as a
team. It's not because anyone's against two-parent families, but just because
programs may assume that one-parent families are the most in need. Or, they
may assume that couples who aren't married aren't together, and so the
program offers services to moms and dads separately. A mom may be offered
a baby care program, while the dad is offered a support group for unmarried
dads. And if emergency housing is needed, mom and baby may be housed in
a shelter just for women and children, and dad in a shelter just for men. While
no one means to push the family apart, it can get harder and harder to stay
together.
Help for families. Stressful as all this can be, there are lots good ways to help
ease the stress. There are services for moms, dads, babies -- and, yes, even
for families as families. This website, and the publications offered here, are
aimed at helping new parents find the basic information and services to help
their families thrive. And because we know that raising kids together can be
tough -- but in the long run is usually good -- there's also information about
ways to support your growth as a family.
By the way, a bit of hope that's just part of life ... all that new baby stress
doesn't last forever. As babies grow, and families become more settled, most
families find that life becomes calmer. Couples can find more time to be a
couple again, but with the added joy of the child they love together.
Sources
Marriage and Child Wellbeing, Volume 15, Number 2, Fall 2005 of The Future of Children series of the
Brookings Institution.
The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially, by
Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher.
What We Know about Unmarried Parents: Implications for Building Strong Families Programs, by
Carlson, McLanahan, England, and Devaney.
Father Facts, 6th edition, by the National Fatherhood Initiative.
And Baby Makes Three, by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman.
born to unmarried parents. But most of the parents are couples who are
romantically involved and hope to raise their child together. That goal of raising
the child together is a good one, as studies clearly show that all family
members tend to benefit when parents stay together. Children raised to
adulthood by the same two parents tend to be happier, healthier, less likely to
get in trouble, and even to do better in school. And adults tend to be happier,
healthier, have better sex lives, and be better off financially if they marry and
stay married. Yet getting through -- and staying together -- the first tough
years of parenting can be a real challenge.
Stresses on families. Staying together can benefit a family, but it can also be
tough. As lovable as babies are, they need lots of care. With sleepless nights
and less time for each other, parents can feel the stress. In fact, even among
couples who are married and decide to have a baby, as many as
2 out of 3 feel a major drop in happiness as a couple in the early years after
the baby is born.
Stresses may be even greater on unmarried couples. Not sure
if they'll marry, the future may seem less certain. Many unmarried couples
may also be younger, with lower income, and less educated than many married
couples. With so many stresses, it's not surprising that many unmarried
couples begin parenting together with high hopes, but separate within a year or
two. A recent study of unmarried couples with a new baby showed that, at the
time of birth, almost all of the couples wanted to parent together, and most
hoped to marry each other. But by just one year later, nearly one out of three
couples had parted ways. Less than one in eight had married.
More stress where you'd least expect it. There are lots of great programs to
help new parents, and many are free for parents with limited income. Sadly,
though, not all programs are well geared to help parents who want to work as a
team. It's not because anyone's against two-parent families, but just because
programs may assume that one-parent families are the most in need. Or, they
may assume that couples who aren't married aren't together, and so the
program offers services to moms and dads separately. A mom may be offered
a baby care program, while the dad is offered a support group for unmarried
dads. And if emergency housing is needed, mom and baby may be housed in
a shelter just for women and children, and dad in a shelter just for men. While
no one means to push the family apart, it can get harder and harder to stay
together.
Help for families. Stressful as all this can be, there are lots good ways to help
ease the stress. There are services for moms, dads, babies -- and, yes, even
for families as families. This website, and the publications offered here, are
aimed at helping new parents find the basic information and services to help
their families thrive. And because we know that raising kids together can be
tough -- but in the long run is usually good -- there's also information about
ways to support your growth as a family.
By the way, a bit of hope that's just part of life ... all that new baby stress
doesn't last forever. As babies grow, and families become more settled, most
families find that life becomes calmer. Couples can find more time to be a
couple again, but with the added joy of the child they love together.
Sources
Marriage and Child Wellbeing, Volume 15, Number 2, Fall 2005 of The Future of Children series of the
Brookings Institution.
The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially, by
Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher.
What We Know about Unmarried Parents: Implications for Building Strong Families Programs, by
Carlson, McLanahan, England, and Devaney.
Father Facts, 6th edition, by the National Fatherhood Initiative.
And Baby Makes Three, by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman.
Facts about Families
Strengthening Young Families
